


Apocalypses And Life

by reiirae, Thisiswhatmylifehasbecome



Series: RayWood [4]
Category: Ray Narvaez Jr - Fandom, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 07:17:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reiirae/pseuds/reiirae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisiswhatmylifehasbecome/pseuds/Thisiswhatmylifehasbecome
Summary: Zombie apocalypses were just the stuff of movies... until now.-Ryan's perspective.





	1. Beginning of The End

The zombie apocalypse was something that was always joked about happening but never taken seriously. I mean, it was literally the stuff of movies. How the fuck would a real one happen? Where’s the scientific _proof_ behind one having the capability to happen? It just didn’t exist.

Of course, one just _had_ to start.

It’s been a few months since the “beginning of the end”. The initial panic was over, but that didn’t mean people still weren’t irrational. People still ran around, killing each other for supplies or just generally creating chaos. It was just now on a smaller scale. The one thing that never changed was the level of worry everyone felt.

Every day it seems like there’s something new to worry about- people who mistake anyone who moved as a zombie, _actual_ zombies, and of course supplies and the fights over them. There just wasn’t enough of those to go around. It was all Ray and I could do to just make it through to the next day.

I’ve spent many sleepless nights wondering just how the hell I was going to keep both of us alive. We hardly eat, hardly drink any water. I barely even sleep, making sure to keep watch so Ray could sleep in peace...

As in peace as any one of us can get. It’s an apocalypse, after all. Safety and peace were rare feelings, if felt at all anymore. Ray told me once back when this nightmare first began that he always felt safe with me, that he _trusted_ me. Maybe he still does, even if he doesn’t say it anymore. Maybe it’s in the way he clings to me at night when the nightmares begin, or in the looks he gives me after I’ve killed zombie after zombie, _human_ after human in order to keep us both safe. Maybe it’s in the way he does the same for me, as if letting me know that I can trust him to keep us safe too.

I just hope that I won’t let him down and that we’ll survive this. We’ve made it this far.


	2. Inevitability

We never stay in one place for too long. It’s not safe, especially in areas known for zombie attacks. You’ve got to be constantly on the move or risk dying in one of the more brutal ways I’ve witnessed. Plus, you know, supplies. The need for them drives us to move around more than anything. The only stipulation is that we’ve got to be _quiet_. It’s like in the movies; loud noises attract zombies. Course, it’s hard to remain quiet when you’re being attacked. Then you just try and run like hell. 

Most zombies are dumb and slow, but they can still overwhelm you in numbers. It’s the fresh ones you have to really be on the lookout for. They’re fast and have most of their mobility. Once they grab you you might as well kiss your life goodbye.

Ray and I have had some close calls. There were times where we both were sure it was all finally going to be over. Those are the days where, after we somehow manage to make it out alive, we hole up somewhere and just hold each other.

I hate those days with a burning passion. Those are the days that Ray has nightmares about. Those are the days that are constantly on my mind. Only in my sleep do I get to escape them. Before the apocalypse I hated not being able to dream. Now… now I’m thankful for it.

With all the close calls we’ve had… it was only a matter of time before our luck ran out. 

It was my fault. I was the one who suggested we visit that city, despite how dangerous it was. I was the one who didn’t keep an eye out enough for zombies.

I was the one who let him down.

“Ryan!” I heard Ray shout behind me. The next few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. The first thing that registered was the zombie grabbing Ray. Next… next was the scream that erupted from Ray’s throat as he was bit on the shoulder, blood quickly staining his purple hoodie. Next was the gunshot as I shot the zombie in the head, the blood leaving my face. The last thing that registered was Ray falling to the ground and me running to him, dropping to my knees as time seemed to pick back up.


	3. Goodbye, I love you

“God damn it,” I whisper, pressing a shaking hand against the wound. “God fucking damn it.”

“Rye… Rye it’s okay,” Ray muttered, laying a hand on top of mine. Already his eyes were starting to glaze over, a sign of infection. “We both knew how this was going to end.”

“No. This isn’t supposed to end this way.” My voice had a note of desperation, of hysteria to it but I no longer cared. “We were supposed to outlive this! We’re supposed to- to get _married_ and have this stupid house in the suburbs. We’re supposed to die together at the ripe old age of eighty and instead you’re dying _in my arms_ like some fucking movie bullshit!” I took a deep breath, stopping as I notice the tears forming at the corner of Ray’s eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He coughed, a dribble of blood making its way down his chin. I pressed my lips into a thin line as I pulled out another bandana, wiping away the blood. “Were… were you really going to ask me to marry you?” He whispered, a small smile forcing its way onto his face.

I nodded, smiling oh so softly back. “Yeah. I knew the moment I met you I was going to marry you.”

Ray smiled slightly wider, the tears slipping down his face. “Will you ask me to marry you? I want to hear it before… before the inevitable has to happen.”

I nodded, shifting Ray slightly to hold him closer to me. I studied his face, a tear making its way down my face as I whispered, “Ray Narvaez Jr., will you marry me?”

He smiled genuinely then, his eyes fluttering shut. He whispered, “Of course I will. I love you, James Ryan Haywood.” The smile faded from his face then as he started shaking slightly, the grip he had on my hand tightening. “I don’t wanna die, Rye. I don’t want to leave you. But I can feel the infection taking over…”

“Shh, baby. I know. I know.” I pressed a kiss against his forehead, my heart breaking in two. I finally let go of his wound, wiping my hand clean before setting him down gently on the ground. I stood up, taking my gun out of my pocket. I checked the chamber; two bullets left. I snicked the safety off as Ray reopened his eyes for a moment, the colour almost completely gone now. 

“Ryan… promise me that you’ll make it through this.” The words were slurred slightly, his breathing becoming laboured. “Promise me… we’ll be together again one day.”

I nodded slightly, more tears making their way down as Ray reclosed his eyes. “I promise. I’ll do it for you, Rose.” I aimed the gun at the center of his forehead, my hand steady despite the fact I felt like my world was ending. “Hey, Ray? I love you.”

“I… love you too asshole. So much. Now pull… that trigger.” He muttered, keeping his eyes closed. I nodded once more, murmuring, “Goodnight, Rose,” before pulling the trigger, the gunshot almost deafening in the silence. Ray jerked once then stilled, the new hole in his head doing its job. 

I dropped to my knees, keeping my gaze on him. I let out a small sob before hanging my head, the full weight of what just happened hitting me. For one moment I considered using that last bullet on myself; I failed in keeping Ray alive. Why do I get to live? But I can’t break my promise to Ray. I _refuse_ to. So instead, I got out my little spade from my bookbag and got to work, digging a grave for my beloved. Surprisingly, even though it took hours and I’m sure I made lots of noise (not to mention fresh… not to mention a fresh body), no zombies showed up. Maybe my grief was enough to drive them away.

After I was done digging, I carefully stepped over to Ray, eyeing him with a heavy heart. I quickly stripped him of his purple jacket, not caring about the blood. It was his favourite… and I wanted something physical of his to keep on me, to give me encouragement to keep going. I stuffed the jacket into my bookbag and carefully picked Ray up, the tears nearly starting up again. I placed him gently into the grave, saying one last goodbye before shoving the dirt back into the hole, burying Ray once and for all. I stood back up, eyeing the grave before walking away, taking the steps away from my old life and into my new.

A life without Ray.


	4. Without You, But With Them

Life without Ray was hard. Many times I felt like giving up. Many times I was _angry_. It wasn’t fair that I got to live while he was rotting in some grave in some city. I knew that’s just how life was and that I couldn’t change it.

Didn’t stop me from wishing things were different. 

A few months after Ray passed I met a group of people. There was Geoff, Jack, Michael, Gavin, and Jeremy. How all of them ever managed to stick together and _survive_ will always remain a mystery to me. They were an interesting group; somehow always finding a way to smile and pick fun with each other. It wasn’t hard to love them... and when they offered to let me join them permanently I took no hesitation in saying yes. I was tired of being lonely and I knew Ray would approve of this decision. _“You can’t isolate yourself forever, Rye. Besides, I like them too.”_

Despite being with people again, I still felt lonely. Nothing can really fill the hole of losing a loved one, no matter how hard you tried. There were days where I couldn’t bear to be around the others. It was just too much to handle; after being alone for so long, and after what had happened to Ray… I just needed to be alone. Those were the days I locked myself up in the attic of the house we had commandeered and just _cried_. Wrapped myself up in Ray’s favourite jacket and let it all out. Sometimes I’d be angry and would let it out by punching the walls or screaming. The others never once questioned why I did this; we all have our reasons and secrets. They respected that.

About a year after Ray died, there was a two week stretch I didn’t come down. Didn’t eat, barely drank any water. It was the weeks leading up to the one year anniversary of Ray’s death and I’ll admit, they broke me. The actual day of the anniversary I got so angry and sad and _lonely_ I punched the wall hard enough to break my hand. Geoff was the one who finally unlocked the door and found me on the ground, sobbing my heart out on Ray’s jacket. He said nothing, just sat down next to me and… and _held_ me. After I calmed down, I let Geoff bound my hand as I told him about Ray. I don’t know what made me tell him about the anniversary; I just know that he understood. Slowly the others trickled in as I told the story of Ray and I and by the end I was so exhausted I fell asleep in Geoff’s arms, surrounded by people who loved and cared about me.

After I told the others about Ray, they made sure I was never alone (except when I needed a moment to myself), especially Gavin and Geoff. Gavin had lost his best friend Dan and Geoff… well, he figured himself something like a father to the others. I think he wanted to make sure that I was just as much as part of this group as the next person. 

Two years after Ray died, scientists found a cure for the zombies. I don’t know how they even managed to do science during the apocalypse. In the past, I might’ve cared enough to find out. The only thing on my mind, however, was how many people were able to get their loved ones back… and I would never be able to feel that joy. Gavin held my hand particularly hard that day, letting me know that I wasn’t alone in how I felt. 

I never truly moved on from Ray. I grew to love Geoff dearly, and viewed the others as my family. Despite this, I always said goodnight to Ray before falling asleep, Geoff’s arms tightly around me. I always gave a whispered “I love you” to that purple jacket every time I saw it. Some psychologists would say this is a result of trauma, and that I didn’t really love him anymore. I’d agree to the trauma but tell them to go fuck themselves. I loved Ray, and a good part of me always will. 

I hope he’s proud that I kept my promise. I hope he’s happy for me. I like to think he is. He always wanted what was best for me, in the end.


End file.
